Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The Times They Are A Changin'

There was a quote in the 1996 edition LONELY PLANET of Russia that I had along the lines of "Socailly, in Russia, it's like the sixties -- a time of tremendous change, loosening of mores, and rebellion. The Summer of Love has just begun."

You'd see that sort of phrase pop up occasionally in articles about Russia -- "The Sexual Revolution" was frequently mentioned, and in fact there was a popular song of that name back in 2001 or 2002, the video of which featured lots of bondage and transvestism -- in fact a dominatrix riding on the back of a guy in a Lenin mask.

Cetainly I saw signs of this -- loads of lesbian chic, a distinct casualness regarding marital fidelity, gays acting more openly, etc.

(Peripherally, of course, AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases skyrocketed, but I was fortunate not enough to experience that.)

A friend had come across that expression in a news article on Russia and asked if it was true that it was like the 60's there.

"Well," I considered. "More like 1978 - 1982. People still do it, and get a sleazy kick out of it, but nobody thinks there's anything particularly great about it anymore. It's Ron Jeremy and Traci Lords time."

Anyway, so we all fucked like bunnies for a while there.

Things seem to vaguely different now however -- with all the new shopping centers and health clubs, the high oil prices and all the new gloss and modernity, money seems to be the only aphrodesiac.

And it's now a well-known fact that English teachers have little money -- even less so now than a few years ago, thanks to inflation and the low dollar -- so no longer are we considered to be particuarly valuable partners -- only perhaps to the women most unlikely to find rich husbands here. (This is true here even in Vodkaberg, a city of 1.8 million, and has been true in Moscow and Petersberg for at least 10 years now.)

I get the impression that now it's considered to be a little embasrassing for women to have a foreign boyfriend -- like, "You desperate slut."

So let's say, spirutally and socially, it's now more like 1987 or 1988. American Psycho time. A kind of blase conservatism and shallowness. No longer are people excited about the great social changes -- they just want to spend the money.

Still and all, I suppose it's easier to get laid here than back in Bugtussle. And the girls are nicer looking by a long shot.

Monday, May 29, 2006

A Good Day To Get Your Ass Kicked

Last weekend was a general citywide holiday to celebrate the anniversary of the founding of the city.

It was also Paratrooper / Border Partrol day. So there were all these green-beret guys running drunk around the embankment. I saw one guy throw another guy into the glass at a bus stop; glass broke but somehow he didn't get cut, or at least not that I saw, but just got up and ran after the other guy.

All in all it's a bad day to get snippy with anybody. Fortunately, they mostly only fight each other.

They tell me it's not as bad as Special Forces day in August. Then you can really get your ass kicked.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Fuck Me

There was an Armenian girl at the nightclub the other night wearing a shirt that had "fuck me" written in white letters on the back.

I went up to her and asked her if she knew what it meant.

She replied (in Russian) "Yes, I want to give the impression of a girl without prinicpals."

Well, mission accomplished, dear. She wasn't that attractive, really, so I didn't asked her if she really wanted me to fuck her.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Cracked Skulls

Another horrible accident last Sunday -- at the tail end of a lengthy drinking session at the embankment, one of the teachers managed to fall down the steps, go backwards over a concrete trashcan and smack his head on the pavement and knock himself unconscious.

This of course meant we had to go to the hospital, which always depresses me. The hospital in SILENT HILL has nothing on Russian hospitals. There was a guy laying on a stretcher in the hallway who looked like he'd been beaten to within an inch of his life, just covered with blood -- maybe a car accident, but i doubt it, because his right hand was heavily bandaged. And it was mostly the center of his face that was fucked up.

The doctor occasionally came out and tried to speak with him but he was too drunk to respond, if in fact his brains hadn't been beaten to jelly anyway. So they just let him lie there.

Our colleage is in for two days of observation but x-rays reveals nothing serious. Add this to the list of smashed appendages, bitten hands, severed arteries and general ass-whuppings. . . wonder nobody's been killed. Yet.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

The Titty Issue

This has happened to me a couple times before; I start talking to some trollop with a low-cut top on and her giant breasts pushed in my face by her Wonderbra, and she ends up saying something like, "You're looking at my breasts."

Now I usually say something like, "Now, when you put on that top, did you really think that you don't want anybody to look at your tits today?"

I've used that several times though. So this time I took off my outer shirt -- I was wearing a dress shirt over a t-shirt -- and put it over her breasts.

"Now we can have a normal conversation."

Friday, May 05, 2006

A Different Kind of Monster

People occasionally email asking, "Geez, is it really so easy to find women in Russia?"

No, it isn't.

It's easy for women to find YOU in Russia, if you don't keep your wits about you. Let's see, of approximately 15 foreigners that I know here, approximately seven of them have been chained into a realtionship with a domineering woman within a year or so, and most have been or soon will be dragged to the altar (often with a baby on the way, but not always.)

And then it's all: "Well, uh, yeah, I'd like to meet you guys, but uh. . .well, you know. . uh, well, no, next time, I promise. . . okay, gotta go. . . see you soon. . ."

And you ask most guys why they like Russian women (or Thai or Brazilian women, or whatever) and they'll say: "Because they're so much more feminine than American (or English or Canadian) women."

Ya damn right. And remember that.

As John D. MacDonald said (author of the Travis McGee detective novels) said: a woman that's 100 feminine is like a guy that's 100 percent masculine: a different kind of monster.