Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Asshole Part 2

This happened last summer:

We were drunkenly wandering around the embankment -- me and two or three others -- and we got a call from another teacher who was at a birthday party of one of his students.

This was a Russian lower-class birthday party -- a blanket on the grass and some plastic jugs full of beer and a couple of bottles of vodka.

As always they insisted we drink vodka, unaware of its instant Jekyl-and-Hyde effect on many of us.

Later the birthday girl made fun of my accent when speaking in Russian.

"How's my accent on this," I immediately replied in Russian. "Fuck you bitch, suck my dick, up your ass and your big cunt..." I continued in this vein until I had used every Russian obscenity I knew.

The birthday girl immediately burst into tears.

Another teacher admonished me and told me it was beyond a joke; my face was twisted with hatred while I did it. "She started it!" I whined.

That was among the first of the times I really considered leaving.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Revenge of the Old Stinker

So I got together this year with an old girlfriend, the one from this post:

Monday, April 10, 2006
Former Girlfriend Predicts My Future
Last May I started going out with this girl from Kazakhstan. She was with a guy when I met her, but she broke up with him on the spot. We came to my house briefly with a couple of other people to change and have a few drinks before going to a nightclub and she gave me a blowjob in the kitchen while the other people sat, rather uncomfortably, in the living room.

We went out for a few weeks, but we really didn't get along well at all -- or, I should say, we got along in bed fairly well but not really anyplace else.

We broke up several times, but then always would get horny and end up in bed again, until finally I bit the bullet and insisted that the arguing had to end once and for all, and we shouldn't see each other.

Within about three months, she was married to another guy she knew. Then she was pregnant about two months later.

She continues to send me SMS messages occasionally, berating me for not being married.

"You're going to be an old stinker!" she warned me today.

* * *

She got divorced at the end of last year. If I were a more childish person that would satisfy me.

There's a zen saying about "If you stand by the river long enough, the body of your enemy will come floating by"; naturally, I think I would go a bit further and say that if you sand by the river long enough, you'll forget all about why you were angry in the first place.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Wife Huntin'

One of our teachers is a 45-year-old middle-aged guy from America and, although he's rather into the teaching as well, after whatever crappy warehouse job he was doing in America, is not at all bashful about the fact that he's here looking for a wife. (He's proposed to about half his female students and several girls in adminstration, I think.)

"American women are too materialistic," he said when he first got here.

Another teacher and I immediately just burst into laughter, by way of response, before offering a few words of caution.

He's scoured the internet as well looking for wives, here in provincial Russia, where the man-woman ratio is supposedly 2 or 3 to 1, but just isn't having any luck. I think he had a "maybe" once but it didn't work out.

(It seems like most of the guys who come here seeking wives don't find them -- the only ones who end up getting married are the ones who come here looking for a good time, and some she-devil soon gets her cast-iron claws into him.)

Anyway, as a vacation this summer, this guy has lined up a month-long stint in the Ukraine, where he says the shattered economy means that there are tons of beautiful women looking for husbands.

(Exactly what many of you out there are thinking about Russia, I'm sure, and exactly, of course, the reason he came to Russia in the first place.)

Most of the Russian girls I know who marry foreigners do it when they go abroad to work or study; if you want to find a Russian girl, you may as well do it in Atlantic City, NJ, Ocean City, Delaware, or Naples, Florida during the summer. There are tons of them there on the "Work and Travel" program, which may as well be re-named "Marry and Travel." I'd imagine summertime English programs in England or America are good pickings, too.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

40 candles and 40 degrees celsius

I turned 40 last week. Which is interesting because it's like 40 degrees celsius this week in vodkaberg. It's 8.18 am and I'm awake because it's just too hot to sleep in my sun-facing apartment.

Maybe I should go out and try to bang 40 prostitutes or something. I'd undoubtedly need 40 tablets of Viagra for that, however.

And it's about 40 days until I go to Saudi Arabia. . .

40 candles. . . that's a real fucking fireball, isn't it?

Sunday, June 14, 2009

The Dangers of Facebook IM

10:35pm English

i just noticed I missed a booty call from an hour or so ago

but the last time this girl came over she smelled like ham

not very attractive

10:36pm (Old friend from college)

Not very.

That's one for the blog, eh?

10:37pm English

Oh yeah. . .

Friday, June 05, 2009

Just Business

I was speaking to a former girlfriend the other day and she mentioned another girl we both know, one of many who had gotten on my bad side; I suggested she tell said girl that I hope she gets cancer.

She tut-tutted. "You Americans are so rude, you get so angry. It's always, 'fuck you goddamn motherufckers'. I think Russians never wish something bad on someone else."

"No? Just do something bad. . . "

"Yeah. . .and it's never personal, though. . ."

"Just business."

She smiled winningly. "Yes. Just business."