Monday, October 26, 2009

What Happens In The Las Vegas of The Middle East Stays In The Las Vegas of The Middle East

So I went to the Las Vegas of the Middle East last week; it was a bit seedier, and thus more interesting, than I was expecting.

Got up early -- 5.00am -- and made the 2-hour drive with some colleagues of English Teacher KSM in their big fancy company SUV. We did a bit of sight-seeing since we'd arrived so early -- a Portugese fort, the beach full of fishing boats, a posh coffee shop -- and then checked into our respective hotels.

Mine was recommended on the basis of the "scene" in its lobby, which housed a 24-hour-bar and a shisha (water pipe, hookah, nargillah, hubbly-bubbly, kalyan, whatever you want to call them) cafe. The 24-hour-bar was full of drunk Arabs (still surprisingly in their white thobes) and a couple of fat Moroccan hookers at 10.00 am when I checked in; I don't think I saw it empty once during the next 24 hours.

We had a long beery lunch at the Hard Rock cafe and then retired to our rooms to rest for the evening; I took a walk in the evening around the streets surrounding the hotel, which constituted the city's "Gold Souq" -- a colorful mix of mini-markets, cheap Indian cafes, gold and jewelry shops, spice shops, and more damn counterfeit expensive watches than I've ever seen in my life. I don't even wear a watch but by the end of the day I was thinking of buying one just from subliminal influence of seeing all the damn things.

In the evening we went to a hotel disco that had a salsa band; and then on the suggestion of the breasty Thai hooker that one of the guys was with, we went to a dark, black-lit bar full of Thai hookers.

It was the damnedest thing though -- none of the Thai hookers offered to have sex with me for money. A couple danced with me, talked to me, let me take their numbers -- but never did I get hit up for drinks, a "bar fine" (money paid to allow the girl to leave) or just money for sex. . . perhaps I'm missing out on the etiquette of the Middle EAst, but in Thailand one waited for the female to broach the subject.

The bar after midnight filled up with a strange and sinister assortment of shiny-suited Neil Strauss look-alikes -- maybe all the girls had other plans for the evening. It was their peak evening, I suppose, and my cheap cotton trousers and white shirt were far from shiny.

We applied ourselves seriously to tequilla and beer and left the other aspects of the evening to take care of themselves -- the place closed at 2.00 am and we went home without hookers.

We smoked a morning water pipe at 3.00 am in the cafe in the lobby of my hotel, which was full of hammered men in white thobes; the sinister atmosphere was completed by one loud drunken Ethiopian prostitute who all the guys seemed a few drinks away from breaking into drunken war over.

We went to bed at 4.00am and I came home the next day with nothing but a hangover (guess that part doesn't stay in the Las Vegas of the Middle East.) Didn't even buy the counterfeit Tag-Heuer I had my eye on.

Ah well, next time.

(I didn't manage to sneak any pictures of much of anything interesting, and Google image search surprisingly didn't turn up anything much interesting when I searched for "drunk Arabs")


stevie austin said...

Hooker etiquette, a fine art.

Angielski said...

Have I missed something but where exactly is the Las Vegas of the middile east?

Chris said...

Haha... That must be some kind of shortest-number-of-posts-until record for a Middle East blog to mention the phrase "Thai Hooker"...

Way to go, man. Sincerely.

And I think that the probability that you actually indulged is more like 50/50. I mean, c'mon...Its been a dry spell, and its going to be a dry spell... Stupid you are not.

Gaylordfauker said...

X I've been a silent lurker for some time. I wish you all the best. F all the shitmouths, you're doin it, and making a handsome living doing it. A direct quote from Frank the Tank, from prolly the most important movie of the 2000's Old School "keep on keepin on". You're my boy X! Keep your tall tails comin.

Gaylordfauker said...

Just realized I spelled tales wrong. Feel free to burn accordingly.