Thursday, July 29, 2010


Due to a scheduling snafu I end up with five days in Amsterdam before I fly to Russia on August 1st.

(I'm sure it's just a coincidence that Amsterdam is one of the main air hubs connecting with the Middle East, eh?)

You would think I'd be in hog heaven here, but in point of fact I'm a bit bored and nonplussed.

It's my third time here, so no novelty value; marijuana has always been something I could always kind of take or leave. It's summer and deluged with tourists, and I don't even like pot enough to battle past the college students and hippies to buy some at the over crowded coffee shops. The pubs in the center look to be about 80 percent Italian and English soccer hooligans, 20 percent American college students. The nice cafes along the canals look to be filled with mostly German and Russian families with their children.

As for the hookers. . . I've done plenty of window-shopping, like all the other tourists. (Selling sex isn't nearly as undignified as becoming a window-display for Japanese tour groups and old people with fanny backs and guide books.)

Even if I could get around the issue of value for money (50 euros for 15 minutes seems to be usual) and the rough looks of most of the hookers, there's the general ick factor of having sex with somebody who had sex with all those football hooligans and doofus college students and such.

I had sex with a cute Dutch blonde prostitute the last time I was here in 1998. I suppose it was worth it. . . to my 29 year old self. Window shopping hasn't revealed to me anybody as nice-looking, this time, anyway.

There are lines around the block for all the museums and the Anne Frank house and such, and I have a pathological aversion to lines. (My tiny little hotel room seems a lot more cramped and depressing than Anne Frank's attic hideaway, anyway.)

On the bright side -- chigger bites on my nuts have gone away. And the low Euro means beer isn't too expensive. (EDIT, next day: And of course it's a beautiful and historic city to wander around in, let we think I'm being snarky. Or maybe that's just the mushrooms talking.)


Anonymous said...

lol...your nuts in the story again.

I find the obvious parts of touring Amsterdam boring as well.

Some suggestions:

Mushrooms in Vondel Park. Better with friends, but interesting on a nice day on its own. Be sure not to puss out, eat enough. Its better.

Rent a bike and cruise the outer parts of the city, as well as the rest. (highly recommended-almost mandatory)

Look for cute girls to socialize with in the coffee shops. I find it much nicer and easier to hit on girls when doing that then in bars. However, go to the coffee shops that draw a more local crowd. If I remember, Noon coffee shop was my favorite back in 2001. Just smoke with them, but them a smoothie, and try to convert to more. Anyway, getting to know a nice Euro girl is usually much more satisfying than prostitute sex.

stevie austin said...

yeah amsterdam should be the greatest place but i don't like it either.

i would go with the bike rental, those 1950s bikes are really comfortable and surprisingly fast. just watch out for the trams though.

i've been twice, and the second time it seemed as though there was less windows and less quality. i heard it was because the city council was trying to get rid of it, but it could just be that the first time is with some rose-tints on.

correct call on the lines, freakin long for madame tussauds and i refuse to wait in lines for shit i'm paying for.

weed is too strong there anyway. man i would be peeved if i got stuck there for 5 days. take a train to bruge or something.

finally, whats a chigger ?

English Teacher X said...

chigger is a small biting insect of the tick family

from which I quote:

After crawling onto their host, they inject digestive enzymes into the skin that break down skin cells. They do not actually "bite," but instead form a hole in the skin called a stylostome and chew up tiny parts of the inner skin, thus causing severe irritation and swelling. The severe itching is accompanied by red pimple-like bumps (papules) or hives and skin rash or lesions on a sun-exposed area. For humans, itching usually occurs after the larvae detach from the skin.

Anonymous said...

I can't wait to hear stories about your Russian adventures this summer. You've been caged up in Flemville for so long that your going to need a police escort during your entire trip. Can't wait.

Please don't visit my blog:

stevie austin said...

sounds nasty, but then again, with the right level of perversion it qualifies as a 'spit and polish by an underage nymph'.

p.s. do you choose the word verifications ? i got 'roidman' below.