Wednesday, April 04, 2012

Some Advice for the Modern Sex Tourist


Okay, I think I got kicked out of that Pickup Artist / Penisphere / He Man Woman Haters Club, but I still occasionally get these emails asking, "Do you think it's still possible for me to go abroad and get laid a lot?"

First of all -- anybody can bang as many foreign women as they want, in whatever country they happen to live in.

They're called hookers. They've been around since the dawn of humanity, and in my opinion are a great way for you to see if you REALLY want to live a lifestyle built solely around casual fornication. I've seen plenty of divorced / starting fresh guys who get to the cruddy shithole of their choice and find it to be a miserable and depressing experience.

So my advice: go bang a few good-looking foreign hookers first, see how you feel. Go to Vegas or Amsterdam and fuck away!

Believe me, it will be cheaper than starting anew in some other country, and probably more enjoyable than whatever drunk single mom you manage to drag home from the nightclub in Crapistan.

Many are called, few are chosen!

I clearly laid out numerous reasons why sex tourism isn't what it used to be, in my last book HOW TO SURVIVE LIVING ABROAD, and in this aritcle GREED IS GOOD 

So if you've absorbed all this -- take some specific advice from a seasoned veteran.

Most importantly -- find someplace you HAVEN'T heard a lot of people talking about on the internet.

Russia, Ukraine, Brazil, Thailand -- they're big countries, and undoubtedly full of beautiful women, but if you're really looking for a skewed playing field, you're going to have to find a new place.  Those places are done, used up like your drunk sorority girl sister at 3 a.m. after the gang bang.

Now I realize I'm breaking my own rule here, simply by mentioning them -- but let me suggest a few you rarely hear anything about:

Moldova -- poorest country in Europe.  Maybe they're desperate enough even for your sorry ass!

Ethiopia / The Sudan -- mass starvation = easy lays! And you KNOW they're skinny!

Georgia in the FSU -- like half the men got killed by the Russians during the 90s and early 00s. Gender imbalance is your best friend! And what's a mustache or two, the women are HOT!

Mexico -- plenty of widows and orphans thanks to massacres by narcoterrorist drug gangs! Get in there quick before they emigrate to the US to work at Wal-Mart!

North Korea -- difficult to get in, okay, but talk about DESPERATE for foreign rod! Those chicks must be GAGGING for it! And soon to be gagging ON it! Maybe you could get a job with a humanitarian food agency, or the CIA!

Libya / Iraq  -- Overthrown dictators equals poon tang, baby! Find surviving female family members of executed political prisoners for a SURE thing!

Now of course -- dude, it's all about what I like to call "lifestyle sculpting."  You need to shape your life so that the endless obsessive thirst for foreign poon is the CENTER of your life, not the fucking vague outer boundaries.

English teaching? Scuba diving instructor? Boring. Dead end.

And again -- is it foreign poon you want, or somehow deluding yourself that poverty and squalor of life abroad is more "pure" and "real"? I thought so -- foreign snatch is all you want.

So -- my next bit of advice:

Get a job as a guard at a woman's prison, or with ICE at a detention center for illegal immigrants.

A fucking captive audience of foreign women, and you KNOW they'll be hungry for some cock after being detained indefinitely in accordance with Patriot Act regulations. The end of the Penis Famine is here, sweet thang, so you just slip out of that Department of Corrections orange jumpsuit and open wide!

Failing that -- here's the best idea:

Try to travel backwards in time about fifteen years.  


There's nothing in the law of physics preventing time travel, man. Think tachyons. Just like there's nothing in the laws of physics preventing you getting laid abroad.

Be careful out there guys. Good luck!

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

hee hee, classic X. Nice to see you being rancorous again, X, you've been kind of laid back recently.

John said...

Good suggestion of going to Sudan or Ethiopia for skinny women. However, I think some lads would prefer to encounter mass starvation and easy lays in a whiter population of pussy. I wonder if there is a worldwide correlation.

English Teacher X said...

good point man -- global food and water shortages in the coming decades will probably lead to a LOT of skinnier women and easier lays! YAHOOO!

Tim said...

I hear the sex slave business is flourishing in Turkey.

Colin said...

No Latin countries? WTF

The one NO foreigners are going to now is VENEZUELA, and their chicks are supposed to be the hottest of the region.

English Teacher X said...

Mexico is latin! Or too North American for you?

Anonymous said...

You bastard! Moldova is my private gig. I'm off to Georgia in two weeks. Please inform your readers that both places are dangerous shit-holes and they kill Amerikans for sport. I have been to Ethiopia.....send the horny white guys there. Mexico will always be there. Love, Anonymous Alpha Whiskey

Anonymous said...

don't worry about being kicked out of the Penisphere, didn't they all recently get put on a government terrorist watch-list or something?

JeffTaiwan said...

yeah, they have you down as a Judas, X:

http://universityofman.wordpress.com/2012/04/07/master-is-it-i/

Creepy.

Anonymous said...

aha . . martyr complex much, manosphere guys?

English Teacher X said...

Yeah, what I like about the manosphere is their jolly and expansive sense of humor . . .

The Geographer said...

Georgia is a very small (4.4 mil), war-torn, yet beautiful country that needs friends of the men of the world, not Judases who tell other men -- albeit sarcastically -- to sportfuck their way from Tbilisi to Samegrelo. You fucking prick.

English Teacher X said...

I prefer to think of myself like Omar from THE WIRE. Except, you know, white and middle-aged. You're not clear, was I a Judas because I was sarcastic about it, or because I suggested it at all?

Anonymous said...

oh, he's a SOCIALLY CONSCIOUS, POLITICALLY AWARE sex tourist!

Chris said...

being a Judas is better than being a mangina, X

English Teacher X said...

Yeah, maybe but they want to hang me!

JeffTaiwan said...

I think they want to establish a manosphere homeland in Georgia, where they can wear top-hats and have Fight Clubs unmolested.

Anonymous said...

They certainly get their feelings hurt easily for a bunch of manly men!

Anonymous said...

Maybe I'm missing something here. But didn't Omar like to suck dick?

English Teacher X said...

That's got nothing to do with it! a little cock-chugging didn't make him any less of a badass!

Anonymous said...

I still don't understand why nobody's talking about Belarus

Behind the totalitarian regime there's a massive amount of beautiful educated women looking for a nice UK/US guy to take them away.

It worked for me. Don't be scared by the news of what happens there just don't talk about politics on the street.

English Teacher X said...

yeah, I was gonna mention that, actually. Cuba, also, I imagine is a good bet, although not so easy for Americans to get to. Myanmar will be the next Thailand, I'm sure.

Anonymous said...

anyone checked out those south pacific atolls that are being consumed by rising sea levels? surely chicks are gonna want the first passport out of there.

don't get me wrong, i'm as keen as the next guy to get some booty, i see it as a win-win situation. good for the girls and good for us.

and if girls from our own countries weren't such stuck up snobs, they'd be over in russia and mayanmar helping out some studly guy.

but anyway, it seems to me that for disaster zone countries, the only thing that beats the 4 horseman of the apocalypse into town are the ESL whoremongers. yeah baby......

Openmindedtraveler said...

Ok so now you need to explain where the women need to go who are looking for totally hot, good in bed and loaded guys! I am halfway done with Brasil and while the eye candy is nice I swear all these guys know how to do is kiss! Perhaps I´ll have better luck when I go to Chile in July, find me a cute Gaucho with a villa and a pet llama!! Oh and one more thing...Brasil is way overrated and you will probably starve while living there...which could be a good thing for anorexics. For me its a real pisser cause my clothes are all falling off of me...yes a girl is actually saying this!

English Teacher X said...

Always nice to get the feminine perspective. All the Russian girls I knew recommended Turkey highly for female sex tourism -- the guys treat women like queens, fawn all over them, and supposedly have big dicks, and are desperate for sex and marriage.

Eve said...

I keep hearing about Turkey as well, as a good destination to find men. I might just go check it out.

But alas, my heart will always remain with the Russians. Russian men are so hunky ... and chivalrous ... and sexy with those eyes and their close-talk.

And can anyone really say that Turkish men are desperate for sex, when ALL men are desperate for sex?

Anonymous said...

I wrote to you about Lugansk, however after reading this post, I think I have the solution: Antartica! Ice cold female research scientists will be glad to warm up a lonely New Yorker.

Eve said...

Oh - for the women out there - Bali is a popular choice for the female sex tourist. If you're willing to pay for it.

I encountered many man-whores when I visited last year. Balinese guys don't really do it for me, but supposedly they're fun-loving guys and great in bed ... for a price.

Only for the middle-aged female sex tourists with money to blow!

John Robie said...

"...probably more enjoyable than whatever drunk single mom you manage to drag home from the nightclub"

True that - One of the most hilarious things about PUAs / dudes who run "game" (or at least the ones I know) is how much they look down on prostitution, yet how much more aggregate time/money/emotion-stress they have spend on cover charges, drinks, lost sleep, loud music, smoke and bad attitude just for the chance to bag some messed up bar-flys.

Anonymous said...

Well for a REAL ball, Arnhem Land is a must do! Rock along with a six-pack of beer and half a packet of ciggies and your set! That's right; you don't even need money! Those chicks will put out for just one swig on a flat can of Fosters! AND when your all shagged from shagging the babes wilol rustly you up a feast of fresh grubs, bush wasps, kangaroo on a good ay - and you can wash it all down with petrol ('cos someone stole your last beer)!

Anonymous said...

Oops... Arnhem Scabbs again.

Hey, I forgot to ask; do you make any decent money from your books?

I done done a couple - as yet unpublished - and just wondering if I can make enough to buy another six pack.

Oops... gots to go. My head is on fire.

Anonymous said...

This is just sad.

Aneka Obat Bius said...
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