Friday, September 01, 2017

On Top of the Mountain All Covered in Shit

That is the top of Mt. Rijani, in Lombok, Indonesa.

What you don't see is all the shit up there, left by the dozens and dozens of trekkers who make the hike up to the crater rim in the busy tourist seasons.

You also can't see me and Crazy Bob, although we were there. That was me holding the phone.

I'm 48; Bob is almost 37. We were at least 10-15 years older than most of the people up there, but we did it.

So that was the admirable, above-board part of the holiday.

The four days previous to that, we spent on Gili Trawangan, which seems to be the current destination of choice for the stylish, good-looking young backpackers. (I had been doubting they still existed, but there they were.)

Here, we were maybe 15 - 20 years older than most of the people, but we did it; we drank beer, hung out at beach bars, took mushrooms, all that.

And of course, Bob had a perfectly repulsive sexual experience, leading to one of our better Disgusting Bar Conversations.

Bob was enthusiastic about it at first; he greeted me with, "You're probably going to want to blog about this."

But as we hiked the mountain and he considered it, he began to feel more rueful.

First, he voiced concern that I only portray him as a guy who fucks ugly and fat chicks.

"I think you should let people know that Bob has sex with good-looking women, and not just occasionally. And not just whores and fat chicks."

"I'll put that in," I promised.

Then the day I left, he sent me a text message.

"I'm having some strong reservations about Bob featured in such a truly low (his actual nadir) circumstance. Perhaps Bob should just discuss this even as a repulsive hypothetical possibility. The sheer grossness of it is almost overwhelming."

"Bob, we owe it to the public. I can put up a donation button on it, perhaps." I retorted.

He wasn't convinced. "I think the public can be sated in less revolting ways."

This might well be one of the last Crazy Bob stories; we're both getting older. I might stop blogging soon. He might die, or reform and stop doing gross shit.

So I leave it to you, all of you out there.

Raise your voices as one to the heavens, just like at the end of Peter Pan where he wants everyone to say that they believe in fairies.

Shout it out loud, in the comments section: WE WANT TO HEAR IT BOB! YOU'RE OUR FAVORITE THING! WE BELIEVE IN YOU!

Bar nothin' ...


Anonymous said...

I do believe you're a fairy, Bob!

brian said...

Bob, please share your most recent sexual misadventure with us! As for you, X, please continue with the blog. It would suck if you stopped.

Anonymous said...

You are Bobs enabler. He may be yours. True love.

English Teacher X said...

Well, I haven't seen Bob for 2 years, and have seen him no more than 5 times in the last 3 years, so to that extent it is difficult to say I am an enabler at this point. In fact I think I encourage him to self-reflection these days.

Anonymous said...

I remember you made a Twitter joke once like the difference between a rock-bottom confession and a funny drunk story is just marketing; maybe it's also age and perspective?

English Teacher X said...

Yes, perhaps I should have reframed all this: more like, "Hello, Bob, Thanks for sharing."

Anonymous said...

Come on, Crazy Bob! Omit nothing!

Anonymous said...

Let's hear it!

Anonymous said...

Keep Bob going, we need more stories!

Anonymous said...

That Volcano is barely a hill, you couple of Pooftas!!! Hahahaha