Monday, November 21, 2005

I Made Pee-Pee

Well now that's strange. I apparently pissed on the floor last night. (Here at my apartment, which I guess is better than doing it at English Teacher P's.) And even stranger, I did it on the floor right outside of the toilet. Weird. And my pants weren't wet at all; if I made it that far, why couldn't I make it to the toilet? Or the bathtub?

I've pissed the bed twice in my 20-year drinking history, and that would be the second time I've peed on the floor. I have no memory of it.

English Teacher P had a birthday party last night; afterwards, at 2:00am, the two English Teacher R's (one being a 36 year old guy from Belfast, the other being a 35 year old guy from Maine) and I decided to go to the current trendiest bar in town, where we were denied entrance by the brutal lesbian who does the face control. Completely arbitrary- ETR1 and I have gotten past face control there several times, when not being any better or worse dressed than we were, although perhaps a bit less visibly intoxicated.

ETR1 starting shouting insults about style fascism in bad Russian; I just tried to go in the other entrance, just to be a pain, necessitating the brutal lesbian running over to stop us.

Then I got a good idea; I dared ETR1 to try to bribe the woman, deliberately choosing the humiliatingly low amount of 50 rubles. (About 90 cents at the current exchange rate.) Oh, it was priceless. Just beautiful. The look on her face, and she started to say, "OF COURSE YOU'D HAVE TO PAY MORE THAN THAT!" before she realized we were fucking with her.

I think even the bouncers got a laugh out of that one; I haven't laughed so hard in ages.

My original idea was to try to bribe her with a pair of Levi's, but of course going home to get a pair would have been a lot of trouble. Wonder if she would have got the joke.

Went to the House of Pain afterwords, where I suppose the highlight was me vomiting - just a bit -- into an empty beer glass. Don't think anybody noticed. A real classy evening, you best believe it. I even made out with the best friend of a girl who has a crush on me, but she was so drunk she was passed out in a corner for most of the evening.

One of the toasts at ETP's party was, "Here's to second childhood." To which he responded, "I don't think I've finished my fist childhood yet."

1 comment:

teacher dude said...

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