Wednesday, June 27, 2007

English Teacher X's Advice Column

Every once and a while I get an email from somebody that goes something like this:

Hi X love your website, especially the story where the dogs eat the vomit! I'm a 43-year-old tool and die engineer from Milwaukee and I have recently decided to chuck a lifetime of hard work out the window so I can come to Russia and get screwed over by slutty slavic chicks and live like a bum, just like you! Whoa! Man! Viva la Revolucion! Do you have any particular advice about how to get started?

Okay, to all you people with actual jobs out there looking to travel:


If you have ANY kind of marketable skill, especially engineering, you can most likely get a posting in another country fairly easily. (According to my brother, an oil engineer, his company is constantly trying to get people to go to Russia and Nigeria and a few other places to work, but most civilized people refuse.)

But not just engineers -- anybody with an MBA is probably in good shape, but there are plenty of lawyers and accountants and managers and programmers, too, working in big companies like Pepsi and Holiday Inn and Nokia and Oracle and so on and so on and so on.

Even the fucking food and beverage industry - there are plenty of international hotels with foreign chefs and kitchen managers and so on. And TGIFriday's are everywhere, too.

And THEN, you'll live in Russia, but have a huge salary, insurance and other benefits, a company car, a nice apartment, and all that.

So please, have half a brain, and try to get a GOOD job before you become an English teacher.

(My posts are getting really negative, recently, I realize -- you can see what hanging around with guys ten years younger than me making 8,000 Euros a month working for whatever global conglomerate, with free everything from drivers to sports club memeberships, is doing to me. . . well , I've still got my health I suppose, cough cough. . .)


Anonymous said...

All I have to say to you old teacher guys reap what you sow.

Stop whining and bleating for fucks sake, and if you don't like it....LEAVE!!

No wonder the world is so fucked's all you sad old men.

Anonymous said...

Hey, ETX, remember that the grass is always greener on the other side. There is a lot of bullshit associated with those big firms.

I did the English teacher bit in Korea back in the 80's and went through the same crap - lousy hours, idiot managers etc. - so I headed back to the US went to grad school and started working for one of those multinationals that you're talking about.

Now I miss what I had back in Korea - the freedom of telling a stupid manager to go screw himself or the excitement of being a midnight runner. If I were to pull any of those things now I'd never work in this industry again.

Besides, you have a great job for nailing chicks, granted they're slutty slavic chicks, but you still do better than most of the shmucks in this world.

Anonymous said...

Men join big corporations, go to law school to make a lot of money so as to buy a nice apartment and a fashionable car with the express purpose to impress and (hopefully) sleep with (a, as in one) beautiful woman, because it's socially unacceptable and really difficult to sleep with more than one, which is what they all really want but rarely get to do.

Kinda why internet porn is Americas favorite pastime.

Most guys can go years and spend countless greenbacks without even touching a woman.

Its heartbreaking to see.

At the heart of all their ambition, it all comes down to pussy. It is that simple.

So cheers to you! You found a way to get what they want, easily and quickly.

Kudos, X. Kudos.

English Teacher X said...

Well it's not like these engineer guys over here are not getting laid over here, man. . .

Anonymous said...

I've met plenty of those guys...
Yeah, they make bucks, sleep in luxurious flats, expense accounts, blah, blah, blah.

However, when your looking at the trim they're pulling: gold diggers and passport grabbers, it's pathetic really. At least the chicks you and other teachers are pulling can't really be put into those catagories and if so, they gotta be some dumb sorry ass bitches.`

At the end of the day, those guys just go home, back to their first world bullshit, playing office politics, having to bite your tongue, suckasses all around you, long commutes, feminism, political correctness, mortgages, credit card bills, car payments, overpriced waiting for you to die HMO's and chasing leftover, divorced manhating, fatass office skanks at happy hour in Louisville with only memories, but we're still here livin' it. When it's all said and done, we all came into this world with nothin' and we're all leavin' the same way, with nothin', so suck it up and live it up. We're living a life that most guys back home wack off to after slaving away in their cubicals, back in their homes watching American idol, Fuck That Shit! X if you think it's so great go back to the "real world" take out some student loans and join them....

Anonymous said...

Seems like self-congratulatory late 30s, early 40s BULLSHIT to me!!!

Stop thinking of yourselves as some kind of rebels, Marlon Brando reborn teaching poor scmucks in Outer Kongolia and former Herdiastaan how to speak English in the false-hope that they may progess their careers.

Y'all are nothing special, nothing particularly bad or good. You just are; like the rest of us.

Bleathing, balding mother-fuckers! Why not just top yourselves? Ain't tranquilisers cheap where y'all are?

Anonymous said...

To the anonymous Redneck,

If we're nothing special, then why are you reading this blog???

Rebels or not, most of you back there don't have the balls to leave your dull lives, you're too busy watching "dancing with the stars" and waiting in line for the new iphones. Dreaming and wacking off to women you will never meet and lives you will never lead.

I've seen newbees of all ages and backgrounds trying to escape those lives, most end up running back after a year cause they can't hack it. Besides what do you guys do back there that's soooo great to make us want to read a blog about it? I don't any blogs about Joe Schmuck or Bob Bagadonuts pouring laite's at Starbucks(second part time job). Or Johnny Engineer and his interesting life and all the hotties he's pulling in Gainesville. If so, please turn us on to their blogs or webites and I'll be sure to check them out.

Until then FUCK OFF....

Anonymous said...

What I was saying, if you weren't too full of piss, vinegar, booze and 8 year jizz to listen is just this......

You ain't special. I am most certainly not. NOONE IS!! I am of the firm belief that life is tough and that those thinking there is this 'dream' job out there that gives you good money, freedom and nice women to ravish is simply fucking DUMB and naive. Get real.

But many teachers I have met are under the false imporession that what they do is somehow different from the 'hoard. It isn't.

Just because y'all CHOOSE to work in this way does not mean it is better OR worse than anyone else. It is still work. The 'man' still has you. You are still his bitches.

I think X is a good writer and I enjoy his stuff. I read it on my iBook as I travel into the Gap to sell preppy chinos to fat old college pricks.

As a final point I'd like to say that he does not seem to represent most of the teachers I have met. In general, they are LMWP (little men with problems) who sweat and shake their way across the globe being annoyingly glib and self-satisfactory about what they do.

I say that some of us don't need to teach in order to nail good chicks.


Anonymous said...

Speak for yourself... I AM SPECIAL...

While you're selling chino's to fat old college pricks, hot young Slavic chicks call me "Bozha" in my lessons... By the way "Bozha" means "God" in Russian......Any Teacher who teaches in this part of the world knows what I'm talking about...

Nothing wrong with self's better than no satisfaction and sure as hell beats selling chinos at the Gap.

Maybe you should start a blog and create a website about selling chinos at the Gap? Who knows maybe you'll get a following like X and make working at the Gap look like that "dream job" which "gives you good money, freedom and nice women to ravish". Maybe if you had more piss, vinegar, booze and 8 years of jizz in you from living over here, you'd be special too.....


Anonymous said...

You are very shpeshial!!

I bet all those Slavic 8 year old boys or cute, little yellow men lap you up.

I think it's the hunchback that does it. Or Maybe the balding plate. Or maybe the sweat and smell of alcahol.

Anonymous said...

Hey ETX,
It's tough to just walk into a multinational and land a job in Russia. I think most of those jobs are for people already on the inside. I searched the web but didn't find much posted. So, I am probably going to ignore your advice, get a CELTA and teach in Russia for a bit. I have an MBA and lots of experience, but I could not find another way to live there. Excluding Moscow, an Enlish teachers salary should be more than enough. Being rich is over rated anyway. Money screws up more people than it helps.

Anonymous said...

It's the combination of the bald plate and hunchback that does it... The sweat and alcohol don't hurt either. I'll leave the yellow men to you since I have no idea what you're babbling about, but you must be an authority on the subject. Futhermore, please keep the pedophile comments for your own blog.... and learn how to spell!!!! I AM SPECIAL, I AM SPECIAL....

Anonymous said...


That really hurt anonymous...or should I call you English Teacher fat, bald, faceless X!!!!

Does it make you feel good that lots of your fellow mid 30s-40s sweating, balding, shaking, foul-mouthed, low-hoped, broke-ass cock-suckers 'look up' to you?

You realise quite how pathetic that is? Nearly as miserable as having to adopt a 'faceless' persona ON YOUR OWN BLOG ; )

Smoke a cock for me fun-boy!!

Anonymous said...

That dude pwned your ass X!!