Monday, September 13, 2010

The Proof Is In The Pudding

Yeah, I did it -- I did something asinine and offensive, just to show my girlfriend she wasn't dealing with the Perfect Guy.

First I lied to her -- I told her I was meeting with a male English teacher. Then I went to a banya -- a Russian sauna -- with 2 girls.

One of the girls is married, the other is engaged. We had a history of going to the banya together, starting in about 2007. 3-ways orgies? No. Plenty of nudity and lewd behavior? Yes. (A private Russian banya consists of a room with a Tv and pool table attached to a small pool and a steam sauna, with showers and, often, a padded table for massages or banging prostitutes.)


So I met with the 2 girls and we drank beer, but neither of them were able to go into the banya or the attached jacuzzi -- one was one the rag and the other had just gotten her nails done.

So it was mostly an innocent old-time beer-drinking session, starting at about 4.30 and finishing at 9.30. I could have been home by ten.

It would have been fine. . . but I managed to drink enough to black out.

Drinking only beer. I had bought 3 liters of draft beer from a supermarket -- most supermarkets in Vodkaberg here sell strong, bacteriologically unsound draft beer straight from various manufacturers -- and somehow in drinking that and an indeterminate amount of bottles, managed to get shitfaced enough to become a mumbling incoherent stumbling mess.

One of the girls brought me home in a taxi, after answering my phone when my current live-in girlfriend called. She says this was because I couldn't tell her my address and she didn't want to leave me on the street.

So I came home and vomitted a few times and collapsed onto the bed.

My live-in girlfriend responded by hitting me multiple times and then telling me to sleep on the floor, and then angrily going out to meet with some other friends, where she also got very drunk. She told me later she found three condoms in my pocket, also. (Of course, the magic number 3 means I didn't use any.)

Was that the end of the relationship?

No.

That was a few weeks ago.

When she came home the next morning, I told her that she should find a better guy, that I wasn't right for her.

This is of course the last thing you tell a girl, if you actually want them to do that. She told me SHE would decide if I was right for her or not, not me.

We worked it out. Things got back to their normal routine. I even took her to Kazan to see the Cirque Du Soleil.

So we see -- it is not a question of whether or not I WANT the old life, it's a question of whether or not it's possible -- and answer to that latter question from only a physical perspective is no.

My 2.5 month holiday is coming to an end. I'm going to St. Petersberg on Thursday, on Moscow on Saturday, on Amsterdam on Monday, and then back to Saudi Arabia on Wednesday.

6 comments:

LogoMe said...

Way to end the summer with a bang. (not literally unfortunately for you) Can't wait until your next vacation.

Anonymous said...

I enjoy reading your stuff, but grow the fuck up.

Despite whether or not you can physically be with her, you shouldn't be playing psychologically disordered games with her at this point, even from a purely selfish standpoint in that your hypothetical happiness is on the line.

That's the problem with adulthood, discerning who still is and isn't a kid in an adult body. Although the age old psychological bullshit will work on her as it does on most other women, it still sucks for her that she can't discern enough to date an adult.

English Teacher X said...

yeah, no doubt. . . I suppose it's some kind of Earth Mother thing that makes women like fuck-ups, eh?

sean said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
steve austin said...

right and right.

if she wants a good man, send her hot piece of ass over my way and i'll do right by her. but if chicks wanted good men then blokes would cotton on and we'd all start acting better.

we don't cos its obvious thats not where the bread is buttered.

you yourself would also not be reading x's stories if they were grown up and mature. i used to like watching those 'lonely planet' travel shows about a decade ago cos they were funny and off the beaten track.

Now they're crap and dull, full of fuckin jewish school teachers educating me about the significance of each place. bores the fuck out of me.

finally, judging by the photo from the banya, it wasn't a great decision on your own part, i'd take the live-in any day.

Matt said...

I recognize those 2...I'm guessing it's the one on the right who's engaged?