Friday, July 05, 2013

Alpha or Omega: A Couple of American Actors

This month on ALPHA OR OMEGA, we feature two well-known American actors. (Kind of a no-brainer, really, this one, but we haven't played this in a while.)

First contestant: John C. Homes.

John "Johnny Wadd" Holmes was an American porn actor with an enormous cock, somewhere between 10 - 14 inches long. He claimed he had sex with about 14,000 women, though given the unlikely math of that (2 women every day for 20 years) the real number was probably closer to 4000. And he even got paid for it ... but then again, so did most of the women.

He, uh, also had sex with some dudes.

Just a few "dick moves" attributable to the guy are: pimping out and beating his 15-year-old girlfriend, informing to the police, dealing and abusing massive amounts of heroin and cocaine, and last but not least, being involved in a gruesome quadruple homicide, after setting up two drug gangs he knew to rob each other. He also had sex with porn stars after he knew he already had AIDS, including Italian member of parliament Cicciolina, (but fortunately he doesn't seem to have transmitted it.)

Oh, but he did reportedly canvass door to door for "Save the Whales." Okay then.

He leaves as his legacy a slew of porn films that are unwatchably stupid, a rather unduly optimistic portrait of him in the film BOOGIE NIGHTS ... and a line of dildos.

We'll give him a few extra points for his mustache, I guess. Died of AIDS broke, under indictment, and generally despised in 1988 but he still rots in hell as ...


Next contestant: Paul Newman

So, yeah, sure, Paul Newman was just an actor, which is a profession of no great importance -- strutting and fretting on the stage and all that -- but I must admit he was pretty exemplary at it.

(Now there's some life philosophy there for you -- "the look of the country changes because of the men we admire.")

He also excelled at race car driving -- competing at LeMans and racing up to age 70.

But the dizzying scope of his philanthropic activities impresses the most, going far beyond the usual tax-deductible donation. He started his own line of food products that donated its earnings to charity - $300 million by 2010, giving $20,000,000 to charity in 2008 alone. Started charity camps for disenfranchised children, foundations to help prevent drug abuse and domestic violence, and helped found the Committee Encouraging Corporate Philanthropy.

Jesus, anybody else feel lazy and worthless just reading that? I certainly do.

Married for FIFTY YEARS to Joanne Woodward, and was unswervingly devoted to her. "Why should I go out for hamburgers when I have steak at home?" he famously said.

Damn, man.

Died of cancer at age 83, surrounded by family and close friends.

(He won the Academy Award in 1986 for this one.)



Eccentric Expat said...

Paul Newman was definitely a man's man. One of the few Hollywood celebs worthy of the attention they received.

John from Daejeon said...

Paul Newman owes a lot of his success to the death of James Dean. Had Dean not killed himself, Newman may never have become the film star he did as he inherited a lot of Dean's future roles.

Odd, that he too dabbled in the speed that killed Dean in the first place.

Anonymous said...

Is this a joke? Who would you rather hang out and have a beer with? Which of these two will people want to see a lifetime movie of? Answer's pretty obvious.

Ricardo Baltierra said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Wait, I thought the term "omega" meant that a person is so innately awkward that they are reflexively despised by females as being generally creepy, despite being a 'nice guy' or having any other speciously social affect.

I didn't know that you could be an Omega living a generally dangerous, reckless life and having banged 4k women. A complete scumbag and waste of oxygen, granted, but an Omega?

Stop troll baiting me X!

Anonymous said...

I guess I feel that guys like Newman and Holmes are at two different ends of the Alpha spectrum. To put it in the terms of transactional analysis, Newman was likely an "I'm ok, you're ok" alpha (admittedly the most psychologically complete type of alpha) and Holmes was likely a "I'm ok, you're not okay" alpha. (Betas and Omegas decidedly falling in the "I'm not ok" quadrant).

If you aren't familiar with all of this, I recommend Robert Anton Wilson's "Prometheus Rising" as an entertaining starting point.

Also, I'd be interested in the deeper case for why Holmes is an Omega and not the more socially deranged type of Alpha.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps not entirely unswerving faithfulness to Woodward, but good by Hollywood standards.

English Teacher X said...

My point in calling holmes an omega was that no matter how many women he banged, he was still a failure, a drug addict, a thief, and a general miscreant.

Dave in Seattle said...

You left out Newman's most Alpha performance, "Cool Hand Luke", man what a movie and what a role. Plus it gave us the line that basically sums up the bloody 20th Century, "What we got here is...failure to communicate." And many more memorable lines, "A night in the box", "I can eat 50 eggs." It also has a fine supporting cast with a young Dennis Hopper, Harry Dean Stanton and Strother Martin as the "Captain".

I showed it to my college students in Poland and they thought it was... yes you guessed it, boring??? Boring, really... I guess not enough kick-ass kung fu babes in lycra sports bras, with machine guns, explosions and alien predator clone war car chases and a roided up Stallone fighting the cyborg "Captain" in a snake infested death cage. Well, there's no accounting for taste anymore.

I've watched it dozens of times and it just gets better each time I see it, like "The Big Lebowski", "The Bridge on the River Kwai" or "One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest".

"Luke" is the epitome of an Alpha-brave, self-sacrificing, tragic, an honorable man. Much like the man who played him, Paul Newman.

John Holmes was just a low-class, junky, with a freakishly large appendage.

Anonymous said...

Well, there was also the film WONDERLAND with Val Kilmer as Holmes. That's a good movie, also.

Twenty said...

Wonderland is way underrated. Suspect due to some sort of weird Kilmer-hate.

Anonymous said...

A good old age Paul Newman alpha performance is in the film "Nobody's Fool" where he out-alpha's a half his age Bruce Willis for the brief affection of Meg Ryan. And you see her large tits in it, if I remember correctly. A great underrated film all around.

Anonymous said...

Correction: it's Melanie Griffith in Nobody's Fool.

English Teacher X said...

If you were an alpha you'd prefer to have a drink with Paul Newman; naturally we poor omega people would feel much more comfortable drinking with John Holmes. Although he'd probably stick you with the bill and then fuck your sister.