Sunday, January 31, 2016

Field Report from Crazy Bob in Moscow

Shortly before Christmas, I had the following exchange by means of instant message with Crazy Bob.

Bob: Dude I'm in a hipster bar in Moscow
There are 20 people in the bar
5 are female
I am alarmed
Now it's 23 people
And only 3 are female
One of the people I thought was a girl is actually a guy
And another girl left 

English Teacher X: Head to the poor side of town!

This is Moscow. The poor side is 5 miles away, maybe 10
But yeah you're right
I'd be over there if I didn't have to meet my wife in 4 hours

ETX: Too cold to hit on girls at bus stops, huh? 

Bob: Nah, yo
It's plus 4
All right for all manner of dirt
21 people 2 girls
What the fuck man!

(Here he includes a picture of a girl in hipster glasses and a girly-looking guy)

The dude on the right is 5 feet tall
His chick has an enormous mole on the side of her face, but still gives her man no respect

ETX: Better hit the Spearmint Rhino!

(Editor's Note: Research reveals this notable Moscow strip club closed in 2007.)

(Here he includes a definition from Urban Dictionary:)

RHINO: An older man on the prowl for a younger woman and by definition, the gender opposite of the cougar. The rhino derives his name from his appearance because the specimen is more often than not both horny AND ugly. The rhino is usually found in warmer locales and can be spotted wearing either a flowered or pastel shirt (with 3 buttons opened to expose a mature mane of chest hair) tucked into khaki shorts and sporting boat shoes. Also look for horrendous dance moves, a white man's overbite, male pattern baldness and a penchant for picking up the bar tab.

ETX: Dang! 

Bob: ".. too dark, too dark altogether."

ETX: "I watch the sun as it crawls across the sky one final time .. " 

Bob: Nine Inch Nails? 

(Here I included this video:)

Bob: I had a woman about 40 yesterday
I had my whole finger in the butthole, checking for myself
if vaginal tissue really does thin with age
I could feel my dick like it was wrapped up in a fruit-roll-up
A millimeter, no thicker

ETX: Jesus
Think you need to get a cat


Anonymous said...

Is it possible to be a full-time public school esl teacher in the States? Do they get paid the same as teachers of other subjects? Can it be done in any city? What about Miami?

Maybe X or some readers out there have some insight.

englishteacherx said...

I am currently working in the US in ESL, but not in the public school system. My experience so far is that there are two facts:

1) Public school systems are replacing ESL programs with "bilingual education" which require teachers who speak another language (usually but not exclusively Spanish.)

2) Many colleges are downsizing their ESL programs due to declining enrollment of foreign students following economic problems in Brazil, China, and Russia (et al) and tightening immigration rules

3) There are private language schools like Sylvan Learning Center and so forth, where you can make $10 - $15 an hour with no bennies or contract

and lastly

4) Teaching salaries in America are pretty sucky in general


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the reply. I've been researching a little online since I posted the question. It looks like you need a master's in tesol if you want to teach at the community college or university level. The pay and benefits don't seem too bad actually but it may only be if you're able to get on the permanent staff or get tenure. But yeah, it would suck to put all that time, money and effort into a master's and not find decent work. For K-12 a BA seems to be enough.

Salaries may be low but what are the options for us teflers?

Jug Jugette said...

By Grabthar's Hammer! That's less than the chubblies at Walmart make these days, isn't it? And unless I'm mistaken, not many shelf stackers have a Masters.

Dion McTavish said...

Reading about Crazy Bob puts a smile on my face every time. If there were a compilation of Crazy Bob antics, I'd buy it.

englishteacherx said...

Yeah and he'd be glad for the money.

Regarding master's, yeah, it seems it will be a benefit anywhere. I'm lucky to have this job, as many of my colleagues have master's. But simultaneously at the college where I study, an advisor said a master is not necessarily worthwhile for teaching in public schools because the salary isn't greater, and there are a lot "fast track" programs for accreditation because of a general teacher shortage.