Monday, October 24, 2016

My Sex Life, Part 1: The Hypothetical One

People in the comments section have been pestering me about my sex life.

I'll just go ahead and tell you that it's mostly pretty hypothetical, this particular fall.

There are undoubtedly lots of whores in Beijing, but I haven't seen any yet. I've been too busy trying to get adjusted to my new job to go out and drink much. And of course, like my younger contemporaries Tucker Max, Neil Strauss, and Roosh V, I pretty much feel I'm too old for that shit.

But still, to satisfy my readers, how about an update on my mostly platonic mistress?

So let's see. I have had a girlfriend for 7 years now, who I only see every few months.

And, as described in my last memoir, I have been having a side fling with a married girl who I also knew back in Russia.

Mostly just on the internet, however.

Her, I see about every 1 - 3 YEARS. Last time I saw her was in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic back in 2013. Before that I saw her when I visited Russia in 2010 and 2011.

Yet it still lingers! The texting and the sexting and the occasional Skype chat.

Oh, we're always scheming to meet somewhere. Grand fantasy plans about limos and hot tubs and fucking on deserted beaches.

 She wanted to come to Dubai while in 2014 while I was working in Saudi, but it never worked out, even when I offered to pay. (She did successfully visit me there once in 2011.)

 I was in Thailand between jobs in 2015, but her friend wanted to go to Vietnam and they'd just instituted a new high-priced visa for Americans so I didn't go.

Then she tried to get a friend to go with her to Miami in spring of this year, but they were afraid they wouldn't be able to get a visa. (Her husband can't travel abroad because he works for the military.)

So it just never works out, the actual meeting, so it stays mostly online.

Obviously, there's something there we both like and need. Some romance and intrigue, I guess. We can indulge our evil sides without being TOO unfaithful to our significant others. (Or at least only every few years.)

There's always a chance that we'll end up together, I guess; we discuss it occasionally. But I think we both know it won't happen, because we know that the main thing we have in common is dishonesty and unfaithfulness.

But who knows? China's not so far from Russia, and she's got an aunt who works here ... so there might be a sordid sex story in me yet.


Jug Jugette said...

Disgraceful. More please.

Anonymous said...

What about the chingalings? Any English groupies?

Alex Thomas said...

Quality post, should meet up with her while you're close and document it.

MaoZeNong said...

Cross-post to (ChinaCircleJerk)

"ESLfag veteran Tim comes to Chinar; doesn't hook up with any Rainy"

englishteacherx said...

cross-post: Mutant Speak

Anonymous said...

How weird this blog is. The sad times of a fading sex pest. Those photos are really creepy too. The second one down looks like she/he has got a dick.

Time to grow up, or get life.

Reader L said...

Not true. Instead, this is realistic. A lot of people wonder what if, even in good relationships. Sometimes something like this fills in the gaps, or could even be considered a real thing.

If life always makes perfect sense to anon 6:58, and he only ever wants one thing at a time, congrats to him.

For the rest of us, life can have a few more ups and downs/twists. I for one really enjoyed this update!

By way of context, from what I've seen there seems to be way more unfaithfulness in the FSU, so not so shocking to that there is a girl out there who can be a bit naughty.

And she looks hot, for the record.

englishteacherx said...

What's amazing to me is how weird this blog has ALWAYS been, and yet very few people have ever pointed it out.

Time to stop reading it and get a life, don't you think, anon?