I was all set last night to get drunk and head down to Nana Plaza and bang a whore, something that I almost always enjoy.
But I slipped.
I mean, I was jetlagged, okay. It was raining a bit.
So I stayed in ...
... and played video games.
But at least I didn't do any porn, okay? At least I didn't do any porn.
I still woke up feeling pretty ashamed, though.
For the last few years, my worst compulsions are video games and porn.
I know, right? What can I say?
I've been under a fair bit of stress the last couple years, mainly having to participate quite a lot in taking care of my Parkinson's-stricken father, as well as doing a master's degree.
But instead of popping prescription pills and eating a lot, like most Americans
my age, I'm on porn and video games.
The porn is the worst; I'll write about that in another entry. Suffice it to say I'm now one month porn-free, and feeling fairly proud of myself.
Now, the video games; bascially it's only one, the survival game Don't Starve, and I don't think I ever play for more than an hour or two at a time. So I"m not nearly as bad as a lot of people with that shit. But still, it's one of my first "go to"s when I'm feeling stressed.
I'm hardly completely sober; I drink on occasion, but in general it just makes me feel like shit and I don't enjoy it much. On the rare occasion I go out to bars, I'm usually bored and irritated. My colleagues at the last two positions have invited me out quite often; I rarely envy them when they come to work hungover with lost phones and black eyes. (How many black eyes and lost phones can a guy have in a life?)
I mean really, though, if you're going to have addictions, porn and video games are pretty good ones. They're cheap, not all that bad for your health, and easy to maintain. (But that makes them harder to kick, of course.)
So that's the state of my weakness at this moment.
I mean, you don't choose your compulsions, right? They choose you.
I'm working on it though, man, I'm working on it.
