Monday, June 19, 2006

Lots Of Sex, But Not Much For Me

Last weekend was pretty degenerate, even by degenerate standards. This new Colombian guy is a walking testosterone bomb.

And he's in the enviable position of being paid nearly $13,000 a month for doing not much of anything here in Vodkaberg -- although he pointed out that his ex-wife and kids get $4000 of that, and taxes are nearly $4000 as well, so technically speaking he's only making about 5 times what I do, not 13. ( I suppose he did probably go to school longer and get more training and all that, of course. But he's only 31. Criminey.)

I don't know all the technical details of what he does, of course, but he apparently designed something for oil drilling equipment and came here from Siberia to present the plans to a company here to see if they wanted to try it; the company is trying to decide if they want to sign the contracts and when they want to start the project. So for several weeks he's just been rockin' out with half the chicks in town, at full salary, in a four room $900 a month flat provided to him by the company.

As an example, on Sunday he had sex with no less than three women during the course of the day -- it's said that one enters the Hound Dog Hall of Fame for banging three different girls on three different days; but 3 in 24 hours really puts you in the Master Class.

Curious as to the details of this I'm sure you are, so let me explain. He on Saturday night went out with some blonde chick he met in a nightclub -- had sex with her twice that night and then again once in the morning. In the afternoon, after that one left, another girl that he's been having sex with came over with one of her friends and got drunk with him and pretty obviously intended to have a three-way with him -- they were lezzing out and kissing and all that.

However, I guess the friend got shy about the serious girl-girl stuff and went in to take a shower while he was having sex with the other one.

At that point he called me and invited me over. I was a little puzzled as to why he wouldn't want them both to himself, until I saw his plan; stick me running interference with the one while he banged the new friend. (Apparently the one he's been banging has quite a crush on me, as bizarre as this sounds.)

So that's pretty much what transpired. He managed to get them seperated and did the friend. I made a very half-hearted effort to have sex with mine -- this before I knew the Colombian had had sex with her once already that day, by the way -- but she wanted to talk about philosophy and life and stuff. (I reckon now she had a post-coital depression sort of thing -- something the Colombian does not seem to suffer from.)

All my sexual experiences these weekend were profoundly unsuccessful -- I met a really good-looking blonde with big breasts and was having sex with her at about six in the morning at a friend's house (difficult enough!) and she suddenly realized she was late for work and lept up and raced away, leaving me with nothing but rosy palm.

Then the next day I was having sex with another girl that I've gone out with a few times (not pictured) after a full night of cheap beer and absinthe, and had to get up and vomit during the act -- motion sickness I suppose. Not exactly the most romantic of gestures. Could have been worse I guess, I could have puked on her face.

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