Meat Loaf, Waterslides, Boobies. . . THE GAME!

The problem with having women around all the time is that you don't have enough time to jack off.

I was just looking at some stuff on the Internet about Neil Strauss, author of THE GAME, which I haven't read but I guess is some sort of book about how to pick up chicks, and groups of people who spend all their time doing so, thinking about doing so, and then teaching others to do so, for a small fee.

Good lord, I thought. Have these people never heard of jacking off?

Let me tell you about THE GAME:

Tonight I got stood up by a big-breasted blonde trollop. Actually, she invited HERSELF out on a date with me, and then stood me up. Pretty brazen, hmm.

I had sex with her a couple of weeks ago; the story of how I ended up sleeping with her was thus:

English Teacher A cooked cannoloni for English Teacher P and I one Sunday a few weeks ago, and we of course had a bottle of vodka for desert, and watched MEAT LOAF: LIVE IN MELBOURNE on DVD, and then just sort of rocked out, we bunch of middle-aged men -- I'm 37, ETA is 40, ETP is 52 -- dancing around to Pink Floyd and the Stones.

Then I got a call from this bimbo, who I'd met at a nightclub a few weeks previously, inviting me to the beach. (She'd made a date with me "to study English" a few days previously, but cancelled at the last minute because she was having her monthlies. Subtle, eh?)

ETP said he was going to tag along, with the express intention of ruining my date. "Do your damndest," I said. "I don't have a good time -- I AM a good time!"

And, when we arrived at the beach, it was as I suspected -- she was surrounded by gorillas. Her friends were all security guards at the nightclub she worked at, and they were all even drunker than we were. She was jumping around on the beach in her bathing suit, and her breasts kept popping out of her top. She dragged me into the water for some making out and such, while ETP blathered away with all the gorillas, who were as usual impressed to meet a foreigner.

Feeling he needed more stimulation, I then forced ETP to go down the water slide on the beach a few times. This was great fun for both of us.

After the sun went down, we eneded up at a cafe -- me, ETP, the trollop and one gorilla -- smoking a Turkish water pipe. The trollop asked me to escort her to the toilet, and after she went, said, "Why don't we just go back to your place?" Which of course we did. We went inside and without even turning on the light, she immediately began removing her clothes and laid down on the bed. We had technically proficient but ultimately pretty boring sex -- porno movie sex -- everybody going through the motions but pretty much bored shitless.

I'll be happy to teach anyone how to pick up chick and have such a satisfying existence -- just send me like $50 or so.

I'm happy that she stood me up, actually, because I can now peacefully sit home and drink beer, and jack off, and not worry about being sleepless all night because her sweaty-ass naked body is laying next to mine all night. And I can fart whenever I feel like it.

Meat Loaf rocks!