Tuesday, November 28, 2006

How Not to Pick Up Chicks

I've mentioned how cranky and impatient I've been with people lately.

Last Friday we were at the House of Pain and some girls took a liking to us, village girls from a cruddy middle-of-nowhere factory-town that I had the unhappiness to visit once, and they were remotely cute, so we were trying to be hospitable to them.

The cutest one, a little mousy-blonde thing with only one vaguely-noticable herpes blister, kept trying to talk to me, but she couldn't understand my Russian, or at least kept claiming she didn't.

"Where are you living in Samara," I asked, in Russian.

"I don't understand," she answered, in Russian.

"Where - are - you - living - in - Samara," I said again, in Russian.

"Sorry, I don't understand you," she said again.

"DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME NOW, YOU STUPID BITCH," I yelled in Russian. "OPEN YOUR EARS!"

That, she understood. And got up and walked off, in a huff.

"What did you do," asked my colleague, crossly.

"Well, if she wasn't a stupid bitch I wouldn't have to call her a stupid bitch!" I said.

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