Sunday, February 18, 2007

Eyes Wide Shut

I came out of the House of Pain nightclub this morning at around 6:00am and saw a girl I had talked and danced with earlier; she was kind of a Goth type, or at least would qualify as such by Russian standards, since she didn't have dyed hair or huge high heels -- just a cute young thing with black hair and black clothes. I realize it's kind of strange to say this, but she kind of looked like a young, cute, female Trent Reznor.

When I saw her at 6:00am though, she was incoherently drunk, crying, staggering down the street on the ice; I went up to her to see if she was okay and when I looked at her face I saw that both of her eyes were swollen shut.

I asked what had happened, but I didn't really understand her answer; fight? allergic reaction? somebody pepper-sprayed her? I don't know.

She cried that she didn't know where her friends were and had no money; she tried to call them but could hear nothing but loud music on the other end. "I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!" she screamed into the phone. I asked her where she lived and she couldn't say much beyond the fact that she was near a shopping center near where I live, but being unable to see, would probably be unable to find it.

She collapsed into a taxi, awaking occasionally to cry and moan, and I took her to my house, carrying her into the elevator, and we slept on the floor. She was shaking, probably from alcohol poisoning, so I put my arms around her until we fell asleep.

I didn't rape or kill her, but when she awoke, pointed out to her how lucky she was that I hadn't. She agreed, and quickly left, declining to give me her telephone number.

Then I got in the shower and stayed there for about two hours.

I masturbated twice.

9 comments:

vigeoro said...

Good to see that your job hasn't gone to your head and ego and that you are still, in many ways, the same guy who enjoys life. Work is just one part of life.

Andy Onimouse said...

Being the international man of romance and a very experienced one at that, English slithers over to the young delight and slurs, "you're lucky I didn't rape or kill you!" He winks twice.

Anonymous said...

hahha man, that is fucking hilarious! Did you finally find out what happened to her? and why did you both sleep on the floor?
keep it up man!

Matt said...

After telling her how lucky she was not to have been raped or killed, you
should have asked if she would like an antidepressant or perhaps to look at some hardcore pornography.

English Teacher X said...

Well, I mean, we slept on the floor on cushions, not just on the floor. I have a sofa-bed and it was too big a hassle to pull it out; I usually just sleep on the sofa.

Anonymous said...

that was kind of you, x. probably not many guys at the club would have helped her out. maybe you'll get some ass from her later tho, as payback for your generosity. it's all about planting the seeds...

vigeoro, The Guru Regurgitator said...

It is good to see a blog that adds a dose of humor to a rather dull and boring subject. Great!

kiev said...

hey etx, why did you remove your latest post? Did your school see the truth and make you hide it?

Anonymous said...

Pray tell, did you remove your most recent posting due to pressure from the administration? Selling out, are we?