Thursday, July 23, 2009

Envy and Wrath

My social life, such as it is, has degraded to the point of waiting for different girls I know to call me because they've had fights with their boyfriends or husbands.

I had gone out the night before with one girl I know, whose husband had recently tossed her out (after 8 months of marriage) after a vicious fight with her in-laws. We'd gotten wasted on tequilla and gone to a nightclub: the next day, we were sitting around a beach cafe drinking beer and nursing our hangovers.

While she was in the toilet, I wanly decided to send an email message to another girl I knew. She'd had a fight with her fiancee a few weeks before, and we'd had a long night, she and I and one of her blonde friends, that involved a lot of vodka and redbull, a trip to the sauna, and a sushi breakfast.

I sent the following message:

Russian girls are like the sunshine. Warm and beautiful, and a potential source of burns and cancer.

A few seconds later the phone was ringing.

It was the fiancee, screaming threats.

I gave the telephone to the girl I was sitting with.

"Pretend like he's your husband," I said. "And you're having a fight."

Unfortunately the phone battery died before we got very far into the experiment.

(That's a picture of the inside of the toilet door at the nightclub near my apartment. Kind looks like one of the pylons from LAND OF THE LOST, doesn't it?)

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