Friday, November 18, 2011

The Inevitable Results of Too Much Fornicating


As I see it there are basically only three possible results of that lifestyle:

1) Early death -- not so much from the fornicating (although that can happen, ask Easy-E) as from the drugs and alcohol that are almost always necessary to fuel your enthusiasm for it

2) You get tired of fornicating -- usually that's followed by getting married, but not always -- perhaps you could, like Augustine, become a great philosopher and theologian. ("God grant me chastity and continence, but not yet," is a quote attributed to him.)

3) You knock somebody up and have to get married -- probably the most regrettable of the results. I've seen WAY too many English teachers end up in this boat. You'd think people never took a basic biology class. Although, of course, being married with a child or two doesn't prevent random fornicating, so then you lead back up to the first two choices.

I'm curious about the second issue -- whether that's actually an issue of aging and your testosterone levels going down, or it's something that just happens to everybody. You look at rock stars and movie stars, who are usually champion fornicators, and you still see a lot of marriage (albeit often repeated and unsuccesful ones.) You rock on there, George Clooney!

I remember having a discussion with a couple of Mormon kids who ended up in Vodkaberg on one of their missionary programs, back in 2004. They were taking advantage of the time to act up a bit, drinking absinthe and going out with the English teachers.

One of them was a very good-looking young dude, with a cleft in his chin, and he'd nailed 3 or 4 girls in a couple of weeks; he was saying it wasn't nearly as satisfying as he'd always thought it would be.

I postulated that it was perhaps an issue of numbers; that everybody had some number in their head, beyond which the fornicating simply wasn't that big a deal. And if it's not that big a deal, than so what?

So the question is, what's your number? If your number is 50, and you get married after you had sex with 30 partners, you'll always be miserable, dreaming of those next 20.

Conversely, if your number was 50, and you're banging number 78, you're probably not going to give a shit, so there's not much happiness there, either.

I mean let's face it -- you want to bang loads of girls, it's not that hard. If nothing else you can go to Amsterdam, Eastern Europe, or Thailand, for the investment of considerably less than the price of a used car, you could bang hundreds of girls who look like Maxim models.

Even the most die-hard of whoremongers tend not to keep that stuff up for too long. I knew plenty, and most of them ended up married.

It's a question of knowing your number.

You get guys like Gene Simmons who claim to have bedded 4600 women -- there's the impression of joyless obsessive-compulsion there, certainly. Like masturbating -- a momentary spasm. Does Gene Simmons remember 2961 or 3872 with pleasure and fondness? Even allowing that he's pretty smart and speaks four languages, I doubt he does.

(Now, I direct you back to this cartoon and subsequent blog post -- this is not solely directed at men. Remember that AMERICAN PIE joke that men tend to multiply their number of sex partners by three, while women tend to divide that number by three.)

35 comments:

Anonymous said...

It would seem you're on your way to becoming a great philosopher and theologan, X!

brian said...

I'm beginning to think the X stands for Francis of Xavier.

Eve said...

are you trying to tell us that you're tired of fucking?

English Teacher X said...

Get the poop out of your eyes, woman! The post was about the number of sex PARTNERS not the number of sex acts!

Anonymous said...

Thank god we are back to sex and booze.

Eve said...

@English Teacher X - Oh, I see! Wait, this is exciting. By process of elimination that must mean that this is your way of telling us that you're tired of fucking MANY women and will henceforth only fuck the ONE woman? It's about goddamn time, man! I highly approve of this decision.

@anonymous ... the only thing we're missing is the prostitutes. oh, wait, English Teacher X doesn't go to prostitutes anymore (or at least he's not writing about them).

Barry O'Leary said...

I see...having notched up a few international bed posts in my time I to have chained myself to just the one by getting married.

Tim said...

Glad to know ETX has Eve's approval. I'm sure he was waiting for it with bated breath.

Samuel Solomon said...

The amazing thing I have become aware of is that the only sex I really remember is with the girls I really loved and cared for. I have had some hot encounters with super hot chicks... but seriously, after a little time goes by, I can't even replay it in my head, I don't remember. The memories I really treasure were with girls where there was emotional investment both ways.

It is true, after a while you realize (even the hot chicks) are no big deal.. and you start longing for more than just the notches you thought you wanted. If the sex is meaningless, then you realize you are missing out on what it CAN be, when it is meaningful. That's when the flings can become downright unappealing.

Eve said...

@Samuel - Yes, that's exactly it. I'm glad a guy said it first.

When I was a young girl, I wanted notches. But then I started having sex with men I actually cared about, really loved. And there's really no comparison. When there's a mutual emotional investment, as you say, it's kind of hard to go back to casual, meaningless flings.

Anonymous said...

Why would Eve "highly approve" of this "decision"...hmmm

Lets discuss...

Maybe its because some women have a knee jerk reaction to Alpha males banging many girls OTHER than herself, and so they then "highly approve" when he loses his virile impulse and is therefore no longer a man that they are not getting, or who is giving many others of her gender carnal pleasure, but not herself.

That seems likely.

It certainly is an approval based in some gender determined psychology, as 99% of men would lament X's "Choice" (lets be honest, he made no such implication - it was assigned to him by the romantic hopefuls here - another sign of some weird psychology).

Of course, Even will deny this to the end, but the observable facts remain...

Anonymous said...

I blame biology. All have wanted to do since my first boner, was insert into any orifice of almost any willing woman - I'm 54 and that is still the way it is. That is how we are wired. I have lost count of how many women I have had sex with - its probably somewhere between 400-500, but rest assured that if I had the means, I would have sex with as many passable women as I could. Yes, I have had several long term relationships and I find them rewarding. But few things I have seen in this world (60 countries and counting) compare to an endless supply of sexually appealing women to sleep with. Ever question why so many married people make jokes about their sex lives?

English Teacher X said...

Yeah, it's true, most married couples don't seem to have happy sex lives -- but neither did all the middle-aged whoremongers I knew, they rarely seemed to enjoy it.

Come to think of it, the only guys I know who consistently enjoyed banging lots of random chicks were guys who were married!!

Anonymous said...

Gene Simmons got married recently, although he had a realationship with that woman for a long time -- so maybe his magic number was 4601!

Anonymous said...

Remember what Charles Bukowski said at the end of WOMEN, as he decided womanizing is more trouble than it's worth -- "It took something out of you, all that fucking around."

English Teacher X said...

By the way I actually have some very fond memories of random girls I banged. . .

Anonymous said...

christ "alpha" is becoming more obnoxious and over-used as "paradigm" and "metrics." Yeah, really fucking leader-of-the-pack masculine to go around banging drunk chicks like a college student. John Wayne would be proud.

Theodora said...

This post is so true!

But mainly I wanted to say that George Clooney is gay, cause it seems like you're trying to make a point by using him as an example.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if Pierre Woodman is tired of Banging the latest hot 19 year old Ruskie.
That's how he makes his living so if he is tired of it he'll just have to lump it or go broke!! :)

Nice blog by the way.

Aleks London

Brian said...

Good attempt, but speak for yourself (that's fine to do so). To each their own. Lesson: Just don't drink TOO much. ;-)

English Teacher X said...

I don't think I'm making a very controversial statement -- everybody has some different ideal number of sexual partners, beyond which they will probably settle down. Some guys it will be 10, some guys it will be 850. Was I not being clear?

Anonymous said...

Can someone please give us a rough definition of "settling down"? I have images of overweight A-Dults rolling around in bed with the lights off, once every couple of weeks - relying on viagra and "erotic lube" to get the show going. Do such people suck dick and eat pussy regularly? I'm assuming no hetro ass-fucking either?........

Gosh Biff, do we really WANT to "settle down" and "grow up"?

Anonymous said...

Christ, you people have poor reading comprehension skills. English Teacher X is saying that you will settle down and grow up AFTER you TIRE of banging random sluts! That you will bang a certain number of sluts, and then no longer feel that it's particularly interesting. Too much testosterone in your eyes to read the article?

English Teacher X said...

grow up = don't be the oldest guy in the night club

Anonymous said...

dude i'm an ALPHA I HAVE TO bang a bunch of random sluts! In the tradition of the great ALPHAS of history, like Ross Jefferies, The Situation, and John Stamos!

English Teacher X said...

settle down = don't drunkenly vomit on your partner between sex acts

Anonymous said...

congrats, alpha and pick-up artists -- you have become nearly as humorless and strident as the feminists!

Anonymous said...

the PUA community is so fucking gay -- "I couldn't pick up girls the normal way, so I learned some creepy psychological techniques!" Guys -- just go where the girls are drunk, you can save all this effort of learning hypnosis and shit.

English Teacher X said...

Crazy Bob had a surprising success rate by just going up to girls and asking them if they wanted to have sex.

English Teacher X said...

post I wrote five years ago in Vodkaberg after reading about Neil Strauss and THE GAME on the internet

http://englishteacherx.blogspot.com/2006/08/meat-loaf-waterslides-boobies-game.html

Anonymous said...

what's gay is getting tired of banging random sluts!

Anonymous said...

you forgot the fourth result -- getting the electric chair like Ted Bundy. Now THERE was a guy with some GAME!

Anonymous said...

One thing -- it's never too late to "settle down" and "grown up" -- but there's a fairly limited time frame for banging random sluts!

vintage wedding dress said...
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Anonymous said...

You should realize that the answer is in the Bible - polygamy is not a sin. Meaningless sex with random people is not only empty emotionally, but is also dangerous as you will inevitably end up with infections. Hpv and herpes and many other infections aren't prevented with condoms. With polygamy, you have real loving relationships with more than one woman and feel satisfied as a man, and it is 100% safe sex.