Wednesday, August 08, 2012


The girlfriend and I are considering breaking up.

To recap, I met the Girlfriend shortly before I left Russia in 2009. To my surprise she remained a loyal and steadfast part of my life for the three years I was in Saudi. We had a week-long vacation every two-three months, and I visited her in Russia during the summers. She was on Skype ready to talk pretty much every single night at 9.00pm.

From the beginning I was pleased, but skeptical. She is a responsible and serious girl; I'm an English teacher. Enough said. I was honest with her from the beginning about the realities of my life as an English teacher, which puts me on par with being a migrant farm worker or a carny.

But you know how that goes, human nature being what it is. The more I told her she should find a better guy, the more she said she wanted to wait for me.

Three years, I told her. I would stay in Saudi Arabia for three years, with the intention of saving six figures.

And she hung in there.

(I should say I was faithful to her during this period; unless you want to count some pervasive "sexting" with various girls over the first year or so.)

So after Saudi, Plan A was to bring her to America to study English for a year, meet the folks, and decide if we wanted to get married.

That fell though, as mentioned. She was denied a visa by the American consulate in Russia on the grounds that she didn't have enough strong ties to Russia to ensure that she would return.

Plan B was that I would go to Russia for a few months in fall of this year, and we'd there decide if we wanted to go get married. Or, possibly, we could go to someplace like Cyprus or Malta for her to study English for three months, or maybe even go together to someplace nice Russians could go easily, like Brazil or Indonesia.

But now we're on the Precipice.

Being denied the American visa was like "a cold shower" for her, she said; it showed her that everything I'd been saying about the possibility of life with me was completely true. It would be a succession of problems with documents, sudden job changes, no fixed home, no pension or social security, and irregular hours at my work.

So she wants until the end of August to think about it.

"I waited three years, you can wait until the end of the summer," she said.

After which point, I might be single again.

I'm not TOO shattered at the thought of it; what is a life of travel and fucking random women, if not training for a life alone.

But then again, I'm 43. I don't particularly want to be one of those grey-haired fat red-faced men that prowl the whore-filled bars in Bahrain and Bangkok and Rio and so forth. Or the old English teacher living alone with some cats.

What's more frightening, life alone, or life with somebody?

I got no answer for you on that one. . .not yet, anyway.


Ben Eichhorn said...

I was in a similar situation with my wife from Belarus.
You have to make concessions for each other and find a place you can both live. Yes it makes things harder but more opportunities open as well.

Good luck with your decision.

brian said...

Bah, sorry to hear. Good luck to you both. As for which is worse, being alone as a lifestyle consequence is by far the worse fate.

Anonymous said...

"I don't particularly want to be one of those grey-haired fat red-faced men that prowl the whore-filled bars in Bahrain and Bangkok and Rio and so forth."

I thought the same before I got married but really, is it that bad to be one of those guys? You're comparing them with yourself as you are now, but no one changes into that overnight. It happens gradually. You'll hardly notice it happening and by the time you do you'll be almost dead and won't care.

From backpacker to English teacher to sexpat. A natural progression, all part of God's plan for us.

Tim said...

It's really not that difficult for a decent looking man with an education and a job to find a woman to have sex with regularly, or even enter into a relationship with. However, it's not easy for anyone to find a woman who is willing to wait 3 years for you amid uncertainty in living conditions and location. If you can find a way to keep her, then do it.

Anonymous said...

That is a bummer. So, are you in love with this lady? The 3-year gig was pushing it, short of being stuck in the military. I'm 12 years older than you and was married for 4 years in the 20's - and at this stage of my life, can't identify any couples I consider to be particularly happy. So, I'm obviously not a good person to comment on marriage, but if I were in your shoes and really wanted the marriage/coupling thing - I'd probably get my arse on a plane to Russian and then head to a place like Georgia, which Russians seem to love - and give the coupling thing a honest run in a place where you can get a 365 visa on arrival (read: instant residency), while looking for a teaching gig in the Gulf. Assuming you can stand living together and you can score a good tax-free job in said Gulf - make a 5-10 plan to bank your retirement check and live happily ever after. I would do this - tomorrow (or the day after)

ps: there are plenty of "healthy" (mentally and physically) older men who have opted out of the Amerikan police state and chosen to live their lives in places like SE Asia, LatAm or EE. I would tread lightly on this topic as many if not most god fearing Amerikans would view your choice of a young Russian bride with the same disdain you apply to older men abroad. Obviously, I am not one of them.

Heartfelt good luck to you.

Anonymous AW

Anonymous said...

If you really gave a shit you'd be on a plane to V-burg tomorrow. With money in the bank, you could move that schedule forward - hell you could even supplement yourself while you 'gave it a go'.

And the issues with documents is not constant. Get them done and they're done. I imagine it'd be a royal pain in the butt to do it all given the various govts you'd be dealing with, but it's far from insurmountable. You've seen some infinitely less organized people get it done.

Oh, and I bitterly resent the cat comment :p My cat and I are quite happy together!

Anonymous said...

"I would tread lightly on this topic as many if not most god fearing Amerikans would view your choice of a young Russian bride WITH THE SAME DISDAIN YOU APPLY TO OLDER MEN ABROAD."

WORDS ESPECIALLY WORTH CONSIDERING along with the rest of the comment.....just sayin'..

English Teacher X said...

Listen, I'm ALREADY an older man abroad. . . and I have plenty of disdain for my own lifestyle, and the lifestyle of the young English teacher / sex tourist abroad, doesn't that come across?

English Teacher X said...

recent disdainful posts about sexpats in general:

Anonymous said...

"I have plenty of disdain for my own lifestyle, and the lifestyle of the young English teacher / sex tourist abroad"

What are the alternatives for men nowadays in the 21st century?

"Ultimately, we're all dead men, sadly we cannot choose how, but we can decide how we meet that end in order that we are remembered as men." Gladiator

Anonymous said...

Fair enough mate.

Anonymous AW

Anonymous said...

BTW, have you ever read this guy? Pretty much represents what I was referring to. If you're still in the US six months from now, his blog might help you maintain your sanity. It does for me in between my travels when elder care (happily delivered) keeps in the State's.

Anonymous AW

English Teacher X said...

I mean, going abroad to hide out, exploit the exchange rate, and fuck some whores is fine; what I don't understand is all these doofuses who think it's the ultimate in fucking Alpha Male aweseomeness. Didn't anybody but me want to be an astronaut when they were young?

BackintheUSSR said...

Where did it all go wrong?

Twenty said...

After due consideration, I've decided that, inasmuch as the Russian Girlfriend has:

a.) A nice ass
b.) A nice smile
c.) A personality 90% less psychopathic than the norm for her countrywomen

You should retrieve her from the FSU and marry* her forthwith.

*Do not bring her back to the USA.

RussianDiggler said...

Don’t be a fucking idiot! Don’t bring your GF to the US long term.
‘Because I think that the result of me bringing her to the US will different from every other man that has ever brought his foreign babe to the US. Every. Ever.’ ?

Even Eddie knows:

RD said...

If you don't sound very distraught over the idea that you might break up then probably it wasn't meant to be. Nonetheless, you should give it a practice run. I'll probably get kicked out of the whoremasters gild for this but sometimes one woman can be better than many.
Here's a handy map of countries that are easy for Russians to visit. Set up shop there for three months and see how it goes.
I recommend Thailand or Colombia. Especially Colombia. Bringing a girl there is like bringing a hot dog to a BBQ or you know... a pussy to a pussy fest. But that's win win since if it doesn't work out still in a good place.
Croatia is also very nice, normal, and European.

RD said...

She's given you 3 years of time and she knows she's getting older. She's looking for some forward movement. Toss her a bone (live together somewhere) or set her free.

Anonymous said...

Why can't you get her a fiance visa? Then you have 3 months to decide if you want to marry.

Anonymous said...

Now that she was refused a visa for the US, where she was to spend a year learning English, you two are now thinking for her to take English classes in Cyprus?

But, and here's my comment masquerading as question, what the fuck did she do in Russia for the past three years (other than being on Skype almost nightly at 9pm)??

English Teacher X said...

she would like to get a TOEFL or IELTS score, or perhaps CAE certificate, so she can study in English at a university if she so chooses.