This month on ALPHA OR OMEGA, we feature a couple of notable British guys, Stephen Hawking and David Beckham.
Our first contestant is Stephen Hawking, born 1942:
Ballsy successful theoretical physicist, his awesome intellect still soaring despite a body reduced to a barely-animated skeleton from amytrophic lateral sclerosis. The first person to set forth a cosmology explained by a union of the general theory of relativity and quantum mechanics. Fuck YOU! Knows a lot about black holes, also.
The first quadripalegic to float in zero-gravity on Nasa's Vomit Comet. Working on quantum proof of the existence of God and meaning in the universe. Rumored to still go out and get lap dances at the strip clubs occasionally, and now on his second wife. This quadripalegic has GAME, friends. Even has a kind of radiation named after him.
Our next contestant:David Beckham, born 1975
Professional pretty-boy and middling soccer player. Paid greatly for shilling cosmetics, cologne and hair products for men; made frosted hair and metrosexuality acceptable for a generation, worldwide. Has his own designer fragrance and tattoos in Hindi. Could bang any girl he chose, yet decided to marry and breed with the scrawniest of the Spice Girls.
Ah well. But then again, he's not yet forty, so perhaps he'll get around to the mathematical quantum proof of the existence of God one day. Until then, keep peddling your perfumes and gels and running around the field in your shorts there, pretty-boy.