Saturday, February 23, 2013

Alpha or Omega: A Couple of British Guys

This month on ALPHA OR OMEGA, we feature a couple of notable British guys, Stephen Hawking and David Beckham.

Our first contestant is Stephen Hawking, born 1942:

Ballsy successful theoretical physicist, his awesome intellect still soaring despite a body reduced to a barely-animated skeleton from amytrophic lateral sclerosis. The first person to set forth a cosmology explained by a union of the general theory of relativity and quantum mechanics. Fuck YOU! Knows a lot about black holes, also.

The first quadripalegic to float in zero-gravity on Nasa's Vomit Comet. Working on quantum proof of the existence of God and meaning in the universe. Rumored to still go out and get lap dances at the strip clubs occasionally, and now on his second wife. This quadripalegic has GAME, friends. Even has a kind of radiation named after him.

Verdict: ALPHA!!!!

Our next contestant:David Beckham, born 1975

Professional pretty-boy and middling soccer player. Paid greatly for shilling cosmetics, cologne and hair products for men; made frosted hair and metrosexuality acceptable for a generation, worldwide. Has his own designer fragrance and tattoos in Hindi. Could bang any girl he chose, yet decided to marry and breed with the scrawniest of the Spice Girls.

Ah well. But then again, he's not yet forty, so perhaps he'll get around to the mathematical quantum proof of the existence of God one day. Until then, keep peddling your perfumes and gels and running around the field in your shorts there, pretty-boy.



Anonymous said...

So when is the ETX vs. Roosh V Alpha-Omega showdown coming?

English Teacher X said...

homeless international teachers and writers are by definition Omega.

Andy said...

So where is the compas pointing to on this winter day in America? Russia? Just returned from Peru - scratch that off the live-abroad candidate list. Big shout-out to Obama/Bernanke for printing those dollars - Lima is as expensive as Miami. Well done boys!

English Teacher X said...

I'm in the Domincan Republic on a little holiday at the moment. Not TOO expensive, but definitely not cheap. Heading back to America in a couple of days and the next phase will be decided.

Anonymous said...

I don't agree that Beckham is Omega, although Beta is certainly fair (but I get it and that being pedantic isn't really the point), but Hawking practically creates his own super-Alpha category that one can't touch lest they have a similar disability to overcome with their Alphaness. In addition to the bad-ass accomplishments already listed, he has three kids that were conceived while he had a progressive severities of ALS. Btw, the average lifespan after ALS diagnosis is 2 years. Just the fact that he's alive this long is Alpha if we take that phenomenon along with his other accomplishments. I heard that his wives are considered hot, but I haven't confirmed it. Hawking, by any measure, is a super-untouchable alpha. Oh yeah, according to that strip club article he actually frequents a swinger's club. In other words, his intention is to bang and not just look at the menu. Stephen Alpha Mutherfucking Hawking.

Anonymous said...

I don't get all of these Roosh comparisons to ETX. You Roosh homos obviously have no clue just how incomparable ETX and Roosh are. ETX has been living in foreign countries his entire adult life and the women, when available, are a side effect of the immersion. Roosh does brief trips and tries to create PUA models that guys can follow. There is no similarity in experience nor in general purpose, knuckleheads. If you choose to see a similarity, fine, but your constant comparisons are as annoying as they are dumb. Go read Vodkaberg and come back and then tell me that their experiences, nevermind their purposes, are remotely similar. There is no comaparison, nor is comparison warranted.

English Teacher X said...

Milan Kundera in THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING said that there are two kinds of womanizers; one enjoys all the little differences in the women he's with, the other has some idea of the perfect woman in his head and try as he might can never match his real girlfriends to that ideal.

Anonymous said...

I only became aware of the Roosh V site when ETX linked it, either on his blog or twitter. X was originally praised on the site and Roosh read his books and gave him positive reviews. After that X started making posts that conflicted with the whole manosphere Alpha/Beta/Omega paradigm, fell out with them and has been castigated there ever since. I see this latest post as continuation of that falling out,in which ETX elaborates his alternative take on the meaning of masculinity. That is why I asked if a comparison between the two would be forthcoming.

I did read Vodkaberg and it was my least favourite of the ETX books, perhaps because I've never been a "womanizer" of any description and thus found it less relatable than the other books which focussed more on traveling and teaching abroad.

I'm not bagging ETX, his writings about the TEFL life have given me a lot of enjoyment since I read his first website entries in a PC Bang in Seoul way back in 2003. God knows, if we English Teachers can't laugh at ourselves, and each other, what the hell can we do?

I still browse through Roosh V occasionally purely for its unintended comedy value. His ideas seem to have some fundimental inconsistencies (eg he goes to countries where he thinks women still have traditional feminine virtues, then expects them to have casual sex with him just like the drunken American club sluts he despises). Also you have to wonder about people claiming on his forum to lead this amazing international playa lifestyle then mentioning that they stay in hostels.

Anyway, I look forward to the further adventures of ETX, in particular whether he decides to put a ring on the Russian girlfriend. I made the transition from carefree picaresque single guy abroad to overweight middle aged white guy with a younger foreign wife and mixed race kid and man, was it a painful adjustment. It should make for interesting reading if/when our boy tries it.


ETD in Oman