Sunday, July 09, 2017


Most young people, of course, think of themselves as both immortal and indestructible.

Even into their 20s and 30s, many people feel that by sheer force of will they can somehow hold off the physical, social, and psychological effects of aging.

Hell, I myself, described by one friend as a "Peter Pan motherfucker" entered my 40s with that belief, in light of the tremendous improvements in my health that accompanied drinking less and sleeping more and (probably) the heat-shock proteins of the warmer climates I was living in.

I turned 48 recently, however, and let me tell you, by that age, you realize you can't avoid it, and that you are getting old, and getting old fast.

Each minute bursts in the burning room,   
The great globe reels in the solar fire,   
Spinning the trivial and unique away. 
(How all things flash! How all things flare!)   
What am I now that I was then?   
May memory restore again and again   
The smallest color of the smallest day:   
Time is the school in which we learn,   
Time is the fire in which we burn.

-- Delmore Schwartz, Calmly We Walk Through This April Day

(The whole poem is here, "Calmy We Walk Through This April Day.)

My hair has been greying for years (although it's still mostly brown) but it's also now starting to thin at the top in a Nicholas Cage sort of way:

Mainly in the last year it's been my eyes; I now need reading glasses. That certainly makes a body feel old. As I said in a Tweet long ago, you know you're too old for the club when you need reading classes to see the menu My knees are starting to bug me; I have had problems with both shoulder impingements and plantar fascitis (pain in the feet) in the last year, although massage and specific exercises are helping them.

I'm currently in Thailand; a week here and then 2 weeks in America, where my father has just moved into his own apartment, mainly so he'll have more money to spend on pizza and porn and pay-per-view UFC. He also didn't like the assisted living place because he felt everybody there was too old. Mainly true, as most of them were in their 80s and 90s and he's a mere lad of 77.

After that, I have a trip to Indonesia planned with Crazy Bob; we got it into our heads we needed to do a volcano jungle hike.

I'll let you know if we survive.


Reader L said...

Cool, looking forward to the next updates! Also curious, as I'm sure are many readers, what's happening with the girlfriend.

brian said...

I turn 47 this year, and as someone who always needed glasses for distance, it's been entertaining to watch all my friends who never needed glasses suddenly need to pull out their reading glasses to see a menu, or their phones, etc. My close-up vision is still perfect, so I take mine off or put them to the top of my head to read. This annoys everyone else, which is even funnier than their reactions to my smirking as the fumble for their glasses, not used to the need. In any event, can't wait for details and pics of Indonesia.

Anonymous said...

@X, your posts get more and more negative. We all age. I know greying balding men in their 20's who need glasses. I suspect you suffer from what many of us expats suffer from and that is loneliness. Since going to China a year ago I have been single and have no prospects unless I wanted Chinese girls which I don't. It's lonely on the road.

Which leads me to believe the girlfriend did not work out. Go back to Russia. Pastures are lusher there.

Reader L said...

I'm not a teacher, but from what I understand the salaries of English teachers are generally not good in Russia. X has been hitting the upper tier of the money for TEFL, and he probably wants to keep doing that. Plus, he hit Russia pretty hard when he was there. Sunk deep into depravity at times, or at least that's what I got out of his books!

Anonymous said...

He supposedly has a girlfriend there though it seems that since he will not comment on that then that is likely on the rocks or over. You can live on your salary in Russia but not much more. X seems to be negative on Russia for some weird political reasons. He's 48. Time to grow up. If he wants another girlfriend the same caliber as the last then he needs to get back to where they grow them, Russia.

Reader L said...

Yes, some truth to that for sure. Good point about the road being lonely too.

Roman said...

I just checked out your blog years after I stumbled upon it (2015). Your blog is really great, and this article here:

Was the reason why I decided to start writing in an erotica related niche ... (they still haven't blocked me, but I'm not writing the erotica like you did).

Anywho I 'm right now at 500 € / month. You're one of my original sources of inspiration! Keep blogging... if you should ever be in Germany, I'd invite you to a beer! (the site I just posted in my link is just a smaller one of mine :) ).

Packers And Movers Mumbai said...

Excellent Blog! I would like to thank for the efforts you have made in writing this post. I am hoping the same best work from you in the future as well. I wanted to thank you for this websites! Thanks for sharing. Great websites! Packers And Movers Mumbai

Packers And Movers Delhi said...

Get Shifting/Relocation Quotation from ###Packers and Movers Delhi. Packers and Movers Delhi 100% Affordable and Reliable ***Household Shifting Services. Compare Transportation Charges and Save Time, Verified and Trusted Packers and Movers in Delhi, Cheap and Safe Local, Domestic House Shifting @
Packers And Movers Delhi