Thursday, October 25, 2007

Erectile Dysfunction

One thing about living in Russia for as long as I have; you pretty much get over being nervous and tongue tied around hot chicks. There are so many, and you're around them so often, you build up a tolerance.

Funny the little things that can set you off though -- I THOUGHT I had developed an immunity to batted eyelashes, well-displayed cleavage and tossed hair and all that. Today after class one of my students stayed behind to ask me some questions about translation from her university course. She's a typical one -- face not much, but great body, see-through tops and tight jeans and spike heels and all that. (In short, like all the slutty girls from high school I regret I never had sex with.)

She asked me for some synonyms for "build" and I wrote down "construct" and "manufacture" and "erect."

"Yeah," she said, standing closer to me than the girl in that song by the Police, "erect. Erect. That's the one I want."

My tongue knotted and my prostate clenched and twenty-odd years of experience with women evaporated.

"Could I use that word in, for example, news broadcasts?" she asked sweetly.

B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-duh-duh-duh

"Yeah," I said, shyly. "Uh, it, uh, depends on the context. . ."

"Yes, I think that's the word I was looking for," she said, smiling. "Erect."

I got so rattled I left my backpack full of books behind when I left the class.

1 comment:

AH said...

By "use on broadcasts" she meant in her acceptance speech at the Woodys - the Adult Entertainment Awards. Clever girl.