Monday, October 01, 2007

Who Needs An International Language If You Have Nothing To Fucking Say?

Spent a good chunk of this beautiful fall afternoon doing speaking tests at a large mobile phone provider here in Vodkaberg.

I had this conversation about fifteen times:

ME: "So why do you want to study English now?"

YOUNG CORPORATE DRONE: "For my work."

ME: "And how often do you use English in your work?"

YCD: "Almost never."

ME: "How often do you speak English in your work?"

YCD: "Never."

ME: "How often do you read in English?"

YCD: "Sometimes I read technical documents, but usually they are in Russian now."

ME: "How often do you write in English?"

YCD: "Never."

ME: "And what are your plans for the future?"

YCD: (Pause) "I don't have any. I want to work in this job."

This so we can form some groups of twelve, of which maybe two or three people will show up every week, because they're so fucking busy at work.

I know, I know, they want to learn English for future work POSSIBILITIES, and the company is paying for it -- a fee which, to a multi-million dollar company, is negligible -- but for FUCK'S SAKE!

And I'm also unconvinced by all these housewives who come into school saying they need to learn English because they travel abroad often. Bull honkus -- every aspect of modern tourism, from the hotels and airports with automated check in, international language ATMs, the guided tours, internet reservations, fast food and supermarkets -- it's all designed so you don't have to speak AT ALL.

They just need English to harass the waiters and yell at beggars. . .

9 comments:

X said...

I hate myself so much.

I want to die.

I am stupid.

I am a failure.

Jason said...

Who gives a fuck if they don't need English? It pays for my travel, my dates and my life here in Germany! I understand that some of my students will never need English but if they want it, I'm going to provide it at a cost.

X said...

I wish that little ugly fucker Jason would not keep trying to look cool on MY blog.

Anonymous said...

I am not trying to be mean, but seriously, doesn't that Jason guy look like a gay version of Leon Trotsky?? If you don't know who that is...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leon_Trotsky

-=x

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I remember when I used to get in trouble for asking Japanese students out in the middle of fucking nowhere Japan why they wanted to study English. One of my favorite answers was "It's my hobby."

Me: "Oh, so you like to travel?"

9 out of 10: "No I've never left the country."

Me: "Then it's pretty silly to spend all this time and money studying English just to talk to me, isn't it?"

M C Ward said...

"I hate myself so much.

I want to die.

I am stupid.

I am a failure."

That's not a bad first draft of a TEFL haiku.

El Gringo Vasco said...

Well done, MC Ward. although the English syllables are quite different from the japanese mora.

see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mora_%28linguistics%29

Anonymous said...

"who needs a blog if you have nothing to fucking say?"

Varial said...

The Cold Night of Forever.

It is a constantly evolving piece of 'fiction' that will excite every possible receptor of emotion about your body.

Are you ready for it?

I happened to converse with a rather pathetic young man. Most of what he recounted was utter nonsense..barely decipherable to my ears.

But he kept bawling about a website, a person called English Teacher X. I, through much hard work, managed to track this site down.

So for the sake of that poor, wart-maddened, dough-like ball of useless flesh, please have a look.

For Jesus if for no-one else.

LINK:http://coldnightforever.blogspot.com/